3/7/07 This week has been a very hard week for the Coats family, this wait has been forever for Tao. In fact Monday I simply was in tears on the phone to the adoption agency and told them how hard this is, especially when every morning when the sun comes up the girls say "What is Tao doing now?" and when the moon appears every night we have the same question...sometimes we find ourselves wanting to scream don't ask...although this does show we have the girls ready for a sister to join them
So today we got these pictures...and already sibling rivalry is started. Kate's comment was "I want my hair to be that long". We still have no news on travel approval, just the reassurances that our paperwork is moving ahead. The wait this time versus the wait we had with Kate and Addie is over double since being dossier to China. It has been very distressing. One person put into perspective though that the wait is only hard on us, that Tao does not know what she is missing, or will have when she comes to our family.
But we do know that when she comes to us that she will miss who she knows as her family, her home. We are preparing ourselves and Kate and Addie for these emotions also from Tao. We just always say our prayers praying that she knows the comfort of the knowledge that we are coming to get her.
We hope that our preparations for a big sister to Addie and Kate are adding up to a successful transition time for all of us.
How do you prepare two little girls that have spent 15 months being virtual twins in almost everything they do to accept another sibling? One that is older and may not even like dressing up and playing fashion show? Or may not like playing pretend kitchen, putting a few dollaps of liquid soap in the pretend mixers bowl so when you turn it on it creates a real froth just like when we make things for real? Or a sister that may come with fears of the kitty cat, or our dog Coal. A sister who is not going to understand what they say for awhile, who may need to be shown a lot of things that they may think is funny...laughing at her and hurting her feelings?
Well, we started as soon as we knew we had pre-approval to adopt Tao in this whole transistion time. The girls have been involved in picking out things to send in packages to her. They have posed for pictures to send to her, colored pictures with crayons and wrote their names on them so Tao can "learn to read".
The girls have shopped and when shopping they have always said "maybe Tao would like this" or "we have to get something for Tao" you can tell looking in her closet of clothes which ones Addie has picked out, and you can tell which ones Kate has picked out. Two distinct different tastes in clothes! We have set up three matching beds as the girls will all be sharing a room as Kate and Addie do now. The beds have their own drawers under them, thus giving each of them their own space. Each one has their own bulletin board and we have Tao's picture up on hers so the girls see her. Addie and Kate helped me put away her new socks and underwear.
We talk about when we are sleeping that Tao is playing and vice versa...sometimes one will say when the sun is going down that Tao is waking up to play....we say our prayers and ask for Tao to have the comfort of the knowledge that she is being adopted and that her family is praying for travel approval soon!
Most importantly for us we have also discussed some harder things...that Tao may not know how to brush her teeth, that Tao won't know where our bathroom is, that she will maybe be very scared and cry sometimes, that Tao has never used a potty like we do and will have to get used to our kind. We talk also about how Tao may want to be held a lot for awhile and that even though she is sitting on Mommie or Daddie's lap that there will still be room for Addie and Kate.
When we adopted Addie Claude stayed home with Kate while our good friend Carolyn, my sister Carrie and I traveled to China to bring home Addie. Kate remembers well that time. What she remembers is that there was a little present for her every morning and a sucker attached to it, plus a note from Mommie. She remembers that people like Jodi and Uncle Randy came out to visit and Grandpa Tom too. She also remembers that Mommie came home. Addie does not have this huge comfort that Kate has and so has not been as comfortable with this part of Tao's adoption. That Mommie is going to China. There are times that Addie says to me "I don't want you to go to China" and we talk about how the only way for Tao to come here is for Mommie to go get her. That we will make a chain of days so she will know when Mommie is to be home. Then we talk about the presents for each day...and how Jennifer wants her to visit and to get the eggs, and she will go to church two times while Mommie is gone...and she is o.k. Well, until the next time she says "I don't want you to go to China" then we start all over again.
I have spoke to our dentist and will have arrangements for a friend who speaks Mandarin to come with us to Tao's check up the first time to see how her teeth are. Addie had terrible teeth when she came home to us so will be prepared for the worse with Tao. Our pediatrition is wonderful with the girls also....
Preparing for a new daughter this time seems to be a bit more daunting then before. Claude and I read and read and when we feel baffled or concerned about a topic we e-mail or call three people, Cathy our social worker, Michelle our adoption agency contact and our dear friend Brenda. We have the usual concerns of language barriers, food adjustment, having Tao ready for me going back to work and that we have a in home day care, Gretchan, and will Tao be ready for the change? Claude has plans of taking a few days off to be home also to help. I hope to land in the U.S. on a Wed night and have until Monday to be back in the office. This would give her and I a chance to be somewhat adjusted to the time change if nothing else! I have volunteered in our Sunday school K-1 class as a teacher hoping this would help Tao in this setting.
In the past some of the things that seem normal for us and a new child just are not normal...touching them. The children are not used to being touched so much and so we had to remember to give them a bit of space it seemed. Addie especially was this way. Discipline too, we have no idea how a child was treated, was it loud verbally or face in the corner or was there none at all? This adjustment time of these things is one that changes all the time! Trial and error for sure! For us I feel being ourselves for the first second has worked...we pray it will for Tao also.
We have not bought a car seat for Tao. I am taking a little cloth tape measure and will measure her height when I recieve her and let Claude know. We have one picked out but her height for it is a question. I am taking with me two dresses for her and two other outfits, as I feel pretty confident on what size she is wearing. But for the first time I am not taking shoes with me for our new daughter. Her size...I have no idea. It will be a 11-12-1 or a 2. Just to big of a span to figure this time! That's ok as Carolyn and I both love to shop for shoes! I am taking a winter coat for her and a scarf that I made...I made a matching one for me hoping that helps.
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